well, after reading some very intelligently-written articles on conservapedia that i'm (surprisingly) finding myself in complete and utter agreement with, i've decided to rethink my political views. i've done loads of research on the economics, policies, and yes, even religious views of the republicans, and i think it's about time i joined their ranks.

as a first step towards this change, i've joined church in the son, in the hopes that i may more easily re-indoctronate myself in the ways of the lord.

wish me luck on my journey to the one true faith!

wow, been awhile since i've even thought about livejournal, let alone considered posting here. no offense, just been extremely busy.

so i've made some changes to my 'internet lifestyle', shedding some regular pages, adding some others that i'd nearly forgotten about, etc. specifically, i dropped the refugee camp/cult and added both kuro5hin and sarcastic gamer.

kuro5hin is fantastic if you like intelligent, reasoned discussion. and trolling. i'm a fan of both.

sarcastic gamer is good for building my patience in dealing with fools, as well as entertaining conversations about gaming and such.

dropping the cult is something i've been debating for a very long time.

oh, and i've made the switch to google chrome. good stuff.

dear japan,

please stop making anime and manga set in high school. make something new and interesting. stop being ea sports, and stop sending us the comic-book equivalent of madden football.

seriously, please? we know you're capable of so much more, so step up to the plate already.

thanks,

tim

am i prepared? mentally, sure, no problem. i mean, i can't unequivocally vouch for my state of mind once the conflict comes, once i come face to face with the undead, but insofar as i can guess based on what i know of myself, i'd have to say that yes, i'll be alright.

i've got a plan, see. a plan that is, in some respects, similar to the methods used by the survivors of stephen king's "the stand", minus the resettlement and battle of good vs. evil bit. forage, stay out of major urban areas, and keep moving. simple as pie.

short hair, tight clothes, and a good solid melee weapon. aside from that, my gear is simple. boy scout handbook, small rollup toolkit, machete, aluminum bat, hunting knife, fishing gear, tent. other supplies as i see a need.

i guess the most important thing is staying the fuck out of urban areas. fuck that noise.

why do kids shows follow an almost scientifically precise formula?

first, the main character is a jerk at the beginning of the episode, or does something stupid, or what have you. something socially unacceptable. then, the main character reaches (or causes) a crisis, and only then decides to apologize. afterwards, they make some half-assed attempt at amends, and everyone acts like everything is alright.

that's fucking horseshit.

why are these shows teaching kids these unacceptable behaviors in the first fucking place? i mean, yeah, it's a good idea to teach kids how to apologize for doing bad things, but why not teach them to make the right decision in the first goddamned place?

and why is it that all cartoons now have to have some kind of lesson to teach kids? what happened to mindless saturday morning cartoons? castrating loony toons was the worst thing the reactionists could have done.

yeah, it's still only technically xmas eve. regardless, i won't be online tonight or tomorrow, so i'm posting now. merry christmas everyone. hope you're all where you want to be, spending time with the people you love.

also, today is my daughter's birthday. she's two now.

12-step program for e-mail addiction stumbles
By Paul McNamara on Tue, 02/20/2007 - 3:53pm
Hi, my name is Paul and I am an e-mail addict.

Reuters this afternoon brings us news that an executive coach named Marsha Egan has devised a 12-step program to treat e-mail addiction.

Let's just say I am unimpressed.

Here's the list:

1. Admit that e-mail is managing you. Let go of your need to check e-mail every ten minutes.

Where are those Guinness guys from the TV commercials when you need them? Brilliant! I'll just "let go" of my need to check e-mail every 10 minutes (if only I could wait 10 minutes) and there will be no need at all for the next 11 steps. Brilliant!

2. Commit to keeping your inbox empty.

What am I missing? I'm already committed to keeping my inbox empty. I'm so committed to keeping my inbox empty that I'm checking my e-mail more often than hibernating animals breathe. I don't need more commitment. I need to be committed.

3. Create files where you can put inbox material that needs to be acted on.

Oh, that old chestnut. Files, files, files. The only file that might do me any good is the deleted file ... and even then it would have to be set to be automatically emptied every 10 minutes.

4. Make broad headings for your filing system so that you have to spend less time looking for filed material.

Seriously, someone pour me a drink or I'll never get through these 12 steps. The only file that's a problem is my inbox. Does anyone advise an alcoholic to do a better job of filing their booze?

5. Deal immediately with any e-mail that can be handled in two minutes or less but create a file for mails that will take longer.

Again with the files. And two minutes or less? Practically all of my e-mail can be dealt with in two minutes or less. The problem is that I'm checking it every two minutes or less.

6. Set a target date to empty your inbox. Don't spend more than an hour at a time doing it.

Didn't we already empty the inbox in step No. 2? Maybe I just wasn't cut out for this 12-step business.

7. Turn off automatic send/receive.

So you mean I'll have to click an extra button to check my e-mail? Not exactly a straight-jacket, now is it. I'm an addict, I'll click the bloody button. ... Next?

8. Establish regular times to review your e-mail.

I already have regular times, they're just a bit more regular than I would be considered sane. ... C'mon, c'mon, I've e-mail to check.

9. Involve others in conquering your addiction.

Any volunteers? Want to manage my inbox for me? ... No, I was just kidding; hands off.

10. Reduce the amount of e-mail you receive.

OK, I'll try. ... Would everybody please send me less e-mail? ... (Now I have to go see if that worked.)

11. Save time by using only one subject per e-mail; delete extra comments from forwarded e-mail, and make the subject line detailed.

Personally, I don't even understand the first part of that. And the second and third would seem to require more not less of my time.

12. Celebrate taking a new approach to e-mail.

Can I go check it now?

mine doesn't seem to be going as well as i'd planned, but i hope you fine folks have a nice valentine's day.

here's the latest.



more below the cut...

( view all )

my favorite is the shot with the windows letting in the pools of light on the floor.

supposedly, today is the last of the hardest part of quitting. after today, i just have to deal with the psychological portion of the addiction, which should be fairly easy.

in theory, anyhow.

yesterday wasn't so bad, the cravings weren't as bad as the day before, and my anxiety levels didn't really spike up like i thought they would.

however, sweet tapdancing christ is my appetite going up. that's gonna be the deal-breaker on my smoking cessation plan right there, my ability to curb my appetite. i mean, shit, i'm a big enough dude as it is; i don't need to start straying into heart attack territory.

whatever.

oh, and to the mosh-pit cocksmoker who pulled my girlfriend's glasses off her face: i'm going to find you.

i'm in day one of quitting smoking.

i feel like ... i dunno. emotionally on the verge. like every muscle in my body wants to tense up. hungry as fuck, much to my dismay.

i really fucking want a cigarette. i'm not even at 24 hours yet; i smoked my last smoke at like 10-11pm last night.

this is bullshit.

i hope i can do it.

so it's been awhile since i sat down to write anything serious. it's gonna be awhile yet, too. in the meantime, stream of consciousness for the win!

casablanca is a much better movie than i thought it was, and i can finally understand why it's considered one of the best movies of all time. the story moves quickly, the acting is spot-on, and overall the film is very much a "cuddle up on the couch with a significant other and watch together" kind of movie.

being single sucks.

i'm becoming increasingly addicted to urban exploration. after we did the splendid and sunland run, all i can think about is going back out for more. i spend hours every day doing research on new sites, swapping stories with other explorers, and planning future runs.

i need to find a guaranteed way to get down to orlando next weekend. it's mandi's birthday celebration weekend, and we're planning a campout. i'm really excited about the campout, for a lot of reasons.

i'm at the point in guitar hero ii where i'm too good for the last difficulty level i played, and not quite good enough to complete my current difficulty level. all i can say is fuck you reverend horton heat. fuck you dry and hard. you know what you did. fucker.

i haven't touched final fantasy xii for a week or so. i really don't want it to become yet another final fantasy game i've started but never completed. like viii, x, or x-2. i want to know how it all ends, i want to see it happen. maybe i should beat it now and put off the completion of the side-quests for a later time.

i think i'm going to start a workout regimen soon, since my hours have been getting cut at work, i need to keep up the same pace, keep pushing myself to get into shape. i already feel more confident, stronger, and i know my endurance is better than it's been in some time. i'll probably start with the dumbells and situps, since the areas that need work the most are my abs and chest.

being a primarily cerebral person makes dealing with emotions difficult.

i have really ridiculously ugly smilies on aim. they have beards. i've really got to remember to change those.

i spend a fuckton of time on the phone lately, but oddly (for me, anyhow) i don't get that nagging itch to get off the phone i usually get at around the 30-45min point in the conversation. not with the person i've been talking to mostly, anyhow. dunno why that is, it's weird.

i hope that trunk i found down the street that the neighbors were throwing away will fit at the foot of my bed and still leave room for the door to swing open. it's a pretty awesome chest, and i spent a bunch of time cleaning it out and making sure it won't leave splinters in my clothes. oh well, we'll see when i finally get around to putting it in my room.

that's it for this particular stream of consciousness. thank you, and goodnight.

this is a post full of images. just to be nice, i'll put them all below the cut. ( more to see... )

enjoy.

in about 49 hours, i'll be leaving for an urban exploration outing with some new friends i've made on a fairly new site called flurbex (florida urban exploration).

we'll be hitting several sites; specifically an abandoned power plant in central florida, an abandoned mental hospital/sanitarium in orlando, and a soon-to-be-demolished theme park in central florida. yes, i'm being vague, deliberately so.

i'll also be seeing mandipie and chaz, so friday's looking like it will be a perfect fucking day. i can't wait. i'll post pictures when i get back, you'll be amazed.

smokestacks!

i think i'm going to toss my nerf shit, and stop kidding myself that i'll have the money for conventions and such. my social life, more or less, is done. i won't be leaving jacksonville again.

i need to get my priorities straight, and part of that is spending responsibly. i have no business attending conventions and buying nerf guns anymore. time to act like an adult.

if anyone wants my collection, let me know so i can decide whether to keep it in a box or just toss it outright. maybe donate it to goodwill.

oh, yeah, and i probably won't be seeing my friends in orlando anymore. sorry guys. nice knowing you all.

Ian,

As you can see, this email has been carbon-copied to Mandi, Chaz, Ryan, and Jon. That's to prevent you from claiming that I'm saying one thing to you, and something else to everyone else.

Our friendship, which I once treasured, has come to an end. Where once we had trust and companionship, shared interests, and conversations, now lies a ruined wasteland.

In the time since I left Orlando, you've managed to alienate every single person in our mutual social circle. It's been painful to watch you fall in this manner, but I've tried to remain your friend throughout. When you called me shortly after I'd moved to Jacksonville, I tried to be supportive when you mentioned some relationship friction you were having with Mandi. When you IM'ed me to tell me about the problems you were having at home, what with your father padlocking most of the house, I lent you a sympathetic ear. When you tried to tell me how everyone "hated" you, I decided to do more than just listen sympathetically, and instead tried to talk to the others in the group on your behalf. Because I cared about you, because I wanted to try to help keep the group cohesive.

Well, because of that, you've seen fit to accuse me of spreading rumors behind your back. There's really only so much shit you can shovel on me before I'll stop smiling, and start getting angry. And you've surpassed that threshhold.

You, in your infinite hubris, have seen fit to accuse every single one of your friends of "talking shit behind your back" and "being too much of a coward to say it to your face". Well, how much of a coward does it take to try to manipulate your fiancee of six months into breaking up with you? How much cowardice is implicit in the fact that you couldn't even dump her when the aforementioned gambit failed to her face? That you had to do it over the internet?

You are the single most self-centered, egotistical, arrogant person I've ever had the displeasure to know. You manipulated events specifically so that you could feel sorry for yourself, vis a vis refusing to call anyone but Chaz, foresaking the opportunity to call your fiancee. And even when you took the time to call Chaz, you specifically neglected to give him any sort of contact information which he would be able to parlay into ongoing communication with you. You pointedly refused any sort of assistance offered, and the only reason I can deduce for this is to bolster your own self-pity.

I am completely and utterly disappointed in you, Ian. You should be absolutely ashamed of your actions over the past few months, but you're not. You seem to have it in your head that the whole world is against you, and for the very last time, I can agree with you. The entire world is against you, and it should be. You've engineered this situation. I hope you enjoy living through it.

And I swear to fucking God, if you tell me how hard life is for poor Ian one more Goddamned time, I am going to scream. I've been literally fucking homeless, Ian. I lived on a bench in a park for a week. I've lived in homeless shelters. And you have the sheer temerity to whine to me about how you had to sleep in your car for a night or two? Or how you had to stay in a hotel for a week? Poor fucking Ian. Grow up, learn some empathy and compassion, and stop bemoaning your fate. Life is hard. Learn to cope.

Goodbye, Ian.

-Tim

well, it's the last day of 2006. time to recap.

bad:
wife cheated on me
i lost my wife and daughter when said wife ran away to connecticut with all the money.
i lost my apartment.
i lost my job.
i moved to jacksonville beach (i miss my friends)
i missed my daughter's first words
and her first steps
not to mention her first birthday

good:
i attended jacon 06, my very first anime convention.
while there, i met chaz
and ryan
and sara
and susan
and kristin
and of course, mandipie
i found that i can deal with large crowds and be a social person with the right group
i got my head signed by the english voice cast of fullmetal alchemist
i discovered the unadulterated joy that is nerf weapons
i discovered the latent ability to modify the above to my tastes
i moved to jacksonville beach (hooray living with my family 9 blocks from the ocean)

oh, and i've been clean for something like two and a half years, maybe three. that's pretty cool too.

next year, i'm aiming for custody of my daughter, attending 4 conventions, getting a better job, and maybe straightening out the nonsense with my license and finally getting a driver's license. then maybe a car by the end of the year?

oh, and i've resolved to quit smoking. by the time megacon rolls around. who knows if i can pull it off or not, but i'm going to make the effort.